Kate Monro is the author of Losing It: How We Lost Our Cherry Over the Last 80 Years, published by Icon Books.

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Whats it all about?

  • Losing our virginity…it happens to almost all of us, no matter who we are or where we come from. How did it happen for you? Ever wondered what other people think and feel about this never-to-be-repeated experience? I am on a mission to find out. Follow my journey as I collect stories from as wide a selection of people as possible. From men and women, old and young, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim and Catholic, from the funny and the sad, to the happy and occasionally, the unbelievable. I am in search of the one story that we rarely share. Come and join my adventure.

Contribute your story?

  • Have you got a story you would like to post? Or an opinion you would like to share? Email me: katemonroe@yahoo.com Remember to tell me when you were born and what country you come from. All names will be changed to protect identity.

Whats happening in the sky?


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April 22, 2014



Hi Kate,

I thought I would write you in response to a story I submitted you 4 years ago about by very American virginity loss- Semi Formal. I'm Jo. I'm about to be 20 and I feel almost a sense of wistful nostalgia reading that story. I wrote that weeks, maybe a month at most, after the actual fact of my virginity loss.

I was, well, still AM a writer- the concept of that first truly deep emotional bond I forged was something that just caused the inspiration to ooze out of me. I remember the countless stories, poems, haikus, what have you that I wrote following that moment. The young boys I fawned over, the crushes, the 'boyfriends'- I was smitten.

Troy- the boy I lost it to- his story with me is another complicated one, like most love stories are.

We stayed together for a little over a year- my sophomore into junior year of high school. (For you Brits, 11th and 12th form) He and I ended less than amicably- he wanted to "take a break" from the relationship, citing his perception of a lack of emotional maturity coming from my end and a desperate need to reevaluate himself on his.

This threw me for a loop.

This is where the boy I lost my virginity to became my first casual sex situation. Oh, how life changes.

Over the course of the next 4 years, I would become an expert at all the other deeply emotional and complicated sexual firsts: first pity fuck, first FWB, first "second time", first threesome, first illicit sex act (i.e. lovers), first breakup sex, first makeup sex, first wedding sex, first divorce sex.

I'm not even 20 yet, and unfortunately, sometimes fortunately, I learned exactly what it meant to leap from the simplicity of losing your virginity to someone who you feel like is doused in the concept of forever to the concept of carnal fuel.

I miss the days when sex was as simple as it was back then- two people who love one another whole heartedly and with the innocence of youth. I miss it more than you know.

The Virginity Project

Jo, you communicated all of that so well in your story and thats what inspired me to post it again, because it made me feel wistful for younger years in just the same way! Not that being older is worse. On the contrary, one gets to a stage where you realise in many respects that youre far more content having travelled a few miles down the road than you were when you were younger but first love is….well, you cant repeat it can you. As a creative person, you know that everything you mention below is also amazing inspiration for more creative work so dont stop writing because youre really good at it. Nora Ephron wrote really well on the subject of using ones life experiences for inspiration. Theres a great quote about it

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