Kate Monro is the author of Losing It: How We Lost Our Cherry Over the Last 80 Years, published by Icon Books.

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  • Losing our virginity…it happens to almost all of us, no matter who we are or where we come from. How did it happen for you? Ever wondered what other people think and feel about this never-to-be-repeated experience? I am on a mission to find out. Follow my journey as I collect stories from as wide a selection of people as possible. From men and women, old and young, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim and Catholic, from the funny and the sad, to the happy and occasionally, the unbelievable. I am in search of the one story that we rarely share. Come and join my adventure.

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January 26, 2013



The ideal world you will find someone to fall asleep with, who cares for you and be intimate with you. But that's not the world people live in if you have something 'wrong' with you (disability, disease, social, etc.)

I'm the guy that posted: http://virginityproject.typepad.com/the_virginity_project/2007/05/when_guys_talk.html

I'd recommend you go to a prostitute/escort. They ARE with you for money but with the good ones it doesn't feel like that. Despite what people will say you DO develop relationships with escorts. They are human beings not machines. It's unlikely to be a romantic relationship but a friendship can ensue and although there is payment there the existence of the friendship with a regular and sex makes things more real.

It's not like having a girl friend of course, it's all on payment and short sessions but I still look forward to mine. Without that weekly session of intimacy I'd be as depressed as I was at university where I sobbed for hours in my room. I also ended up in a relationship with a prostitute I saw.

The only trouble is finding ones where it feels 'real'. So you may have a few sessions and think it's crap, my first 4 experiences were like that. But on my 5th I found a great regular who I saw for 18 months before she retired.

Practical advice: look on forums, ask questions on who to see explaining your situation and also contact the lady in advance explaining the skin condition.

girl in London

I don't know how bad your psoriasis is. My boyfriend has it (it comes and goes), we've been together for 5 years and I still think he's the hottest guy ever. He's very self-conscious about it when it's there, but I don't really mind. I think it's worse in his head than it actually looks to me.
When we first got together, he was going through a "good period", and I couldn't tell (his elbows looked a bit dry and he often had what I thought was dandruff but that was the extent of it. I was so into the guy I barely notice). He told me he had psoriasis, so when it first appeared I knew what to expect (in fact, I was expecting something worse). once again: it doesn't bother me. I am so sorry this girl had that awful reaction... But believe me, not everybody is going to react like that. Chances are, for lots of girls it won't matter at all.

Best of luck (and, if this helps, we travelled once to Iceland and went to the blue lagoon and his skin looked absolutely perfect for two weeks following that. We later read that it's supposed to be really soothing for psoriasis, so if it does make you that self-conscious, maybe there are ways to alleviate the symptoms.)

The Virginity Project

Dear Girl in London

Thank you for taking the time to write this lovely, thoughtful - and very true - comment.


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