The Virginity Project: Gaining virginity...

The Virginity Project has some interesting bits of news today, the first of which is a proud moment for me. Next Spring, Icon Books will publish ‘The First Time: True Tales of Virginity Lost and Found (Including My Own)’…yep, its my very own book and I couldn’t be more chuffed. As well as all the wonderful people that I interviewed for this book, your continued contact, stories and thoughts are a constant source of inspiration so thank you, this is not a solo effort, this is a very modern collaboration and I love hearing from you so please don’t stop.

Secondly, I have been blogging on The Huffington Post where you will find the occasional story that is not included on this blog. My first couple of posts are here. Check them out.

To celebrate my news, I chose a cheery little story from Scotland. Rachel, 16, wrote this tale specifically to inform us that ‘losing your virginity can still be wonderful’. And it is. I don’t hear too many stories like this one. Rachel lucked out. Here is a girl who lost her virginity to someone that she really likes. It sounds like the most obvious thing in the world, but that makes a difference. Being the nosey parker I am, I wanted to know what made this story different. Could Rachel give me some insight into her world, some clue as to how and why things had panned out this way when surely most of us are messing up and making terrible mistakes at that age? She generously fills us in with some background details about her family life which is hardly conventional but she does at least have two parents that like each other as well, a rare commodity these days.

What mostly stands out about this story is how much of a personal choice virginity has become. As Rachel says, ‘I lost my virginity purely for me…’. Her parents were not involved in this decision and neither was the influence of a local church. Even her boyfriend had limited input, waiting, patiently we assume for Rachel to make her choices in her own good time.

My mother’s generation did not own the right to make these choices mainly because whatever choice they made reflected, not just on themselves, but on their family as well. It simply wasn’t the done thing to please oneself. A virgin daughter could make a good marriage and asides from anything else, there were practical considerations as well. Fathers wanted to protect the bloodline. Ensuring your daughter is a virgin is the best way to do that.

Look at where we have got to now. Its an incredible change and one that mesmerized me as I pieced together the stories in my book, some from the very grand old ladies who agreed to be interviewed by me and lots from you modern young whippersnappers as well. Rachel bridges the gap nicely because this isn’t just some casual shag. This is a 16-year-old woman doing what comes naturally with a man that she cares deeply for. They might not spend the rest of their lives together – they won’t be forced into making the sort of decisions that our parents had to – but whilst they are together, they are going to have a lovely time. And that’s kind of cute.

‘I am 16, and 'lost it' last weekend. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 months. He is my first boyfriend. For the past few years I will admit that I saw 'firsts' as terrible irritating things that needed to be done away with. I had my first kiss with a drunken guy at a music festival aged 15 simply so I could say I had done it, and I don't regret that, I just think in hindsight a first kiss really wasn't as big a deal as I thought It was. At the same point in time I felt as though I would lose my virginity with just about anyone at any opportunity just to get it over with. Since being with my boyfriend I feel totally different.

My boyfriend’s family had gone away for the night, a rare occurrence. In fact the only time we had been given the house to ourselves. As usual I went round to his to watch films, no mention or hint of sex in any shape or form. As it got later, we began kissing, touching on his couch, a typical activity we could get away with without his little brother walking in!

I knew in my head that this would be 'the night'. Or at least I really wanted it to be! I was secretly 'gagging for it'. He put his hand up the back of my top and began to remove it, and it was at this point that I managed to pluck up to courage to say 'shall we take things to the bedroom?'.

He seemed pleasantly surprised…..he had never pressured me into anything I didn't want to do. And he told me later that he didn't expect this to be 'the night'. He lifted me up so I was straddling him face to face and he began to carry me to his bedroom. Halfway there he realized I was heavier than I looked so dropped me down and I dragged him by the hand instead. That made us laugh!

The whole experience was light hearted, sexy and pleasurable. I hit my head off his wall far too many times (its one of those slanted wall loft conversion rooms), and we both proceeded rather clumsily, after all it was a first for both of us.

What surprised me was my surge of confidence. I was kind of taken in by the moment. My legs had a days worth of stubble on them, my underwear was not particularly alluring and we were so into it that I forgot to take my socks off. I didn't care. I was enjoying myself too much.

It kind of broke the rules for a first time. It didn't hurt, I didn't bleed, and he didn't last 30 seconds. (More like half an hour….I was impressed!) We tried different positions, missionary, me on top, my legs on his shoulders. When he walked me home we couldn't walk in a straight line, we were still buzzing. I think I'm still buzzing...

It has only been a boost to our relationship, brought us closer, physically and mentally. And yes, I'm glad its over with, but only so I can do it again!

My parents aren't the typical type, they're well….a little on the mad side, musicians. They are extremely jokey which makes it harder where guys are concerned. I'm much more likely to get the piss taken rather than a lecture. They seem to be pretty open (although not directly to me). They show each other affection, and my mum happily discusses Ann Summers parties with me in earshot. Awkward…

My parents aren't stupid. I'm sure they know what we get up to, although it has never been mentioned in conversation. They know I'm responsible enough to make my own choices, which I am very lucky to have the freedom to do. I don't go out and get drunk every night and shag the closest man, and they know that.

I don't really know their attitudes to virginity etc. I think my mum lost hers when she was 15 (I heard her say that drunk once lol) and my parents are not religious. Actually they aren't even married. Maybe my attitude came from the fact that there are no secrets or rules in my household, so no fear of breaking them or mistrust. I have always been encouraged to do what I want…they have encouraged me with art and music. They haven't tried to hold onto my childhood either. Letting me grow up at my own pace. I lost my virginity purely for me.’