I took part in this show last night on the BBC World Service. Asides from the thrill of going to Bush House – it’s very grand – it was an interesting experience because it raised that old chestnut again…the very modern phenomenon of auctioning one’s virginity, in this case, on a reality TV show. Although as I write this, I am wondering, is the auctioning of one’s virginity really such a modern concept? After all, patriarchal societies, of which we were one until quite recently, have been auctioning off women’s virginities for years. Word has it that even Lady Diana Spencer was tested for the presence of virginity before she married Prince Charles despite the fact that as any sane person knows, there is no definitive test for the presence of virginity. I digress. None of this will do anything to soothe the jangled nerves of any of the people who phoned in to give Justin Sisley, the maker of this show/documentary and one of his participants, Mark, a 23 year old gay man a bit of stick.
And I hear them, I really do. One woman phoned in to say that she has a young daughter and that she hoped that she never ever got to see a show where young men and women are auctioning off their virginity. I concur, from that point of view; it is indeed a revolting concept (although personally speaking, I find reality shows offensive before we even get to the auction part of the equation).
What makes me laugh is the assumption that the filmmaker is doing this in an effort to get famous/make money/exploit people. I don’t know Justin Sisley. He sounded like an intelligent man to me and perhaps he does want to have his five minutes in the sun but either way, it is highly unlikely that he has the ability to force people to auction off their virginity on a live TV show against their will. Do we want to watch them do it? Thats another question and in answer, I can’t help thinking that what Justin is proposing - above and beyond the whole tedious reality show concept and the questionable selling of first sexual experiences - is interesting and I’ll tell you why….
I have interviewed a lot of people about virginity loss for my book. I also receive a lot of stories on my blog. The age range of these people has been from 13, all the way up to 101 years old. To put that into context, the stories run from 1927 up to the present day. To say that these stories differ in content is an understatement but one thing does not change. No matter how sexualised our society has become or how inured we may have become to it, we do not value our intimate encounters, particularly our first ones, any the less. Even if you are not tied to the idea of virginity being that special, once only, I have to save it for the ‘right one’ type of experience, or even if it is something that you intend to dispense with in a practical, I need to get rid of this quickly type manner, it still doesn’t mean that you want to share this experience with the rest of world. Of all the people that I ever interviewed, only one of them wanted to be identified by her real name. Most of my blog correspondents write to me under assumed names. It doesn’t matter how you view your virginity, it’s too tender, it’s too vulnerable, in short, it’s your first sexual step into the adult world and as such, most of us want to take that step without the addition of a camera crew. For this reason, I will be fascinated to see if Justin’s participants are prepared to go through with an experience that mostly happens behind very closed doors. As far as I am concerned, this is where the heart of this story lies...it’s not about prostitution or the potential exploitation of people who may not know any better, at least not to me. It’s about privacy, vulnerability and intimacy...or the lack of it.
To the lady who doesn’t want her daughter to see this show, I still hear you but I also think that we need to credit young people with more intelligence. This show is not going to encourage young people to sell their virginity. If anything, it’s going to put them off losing it altogether.
Finally, and for some reason, I couldn’t really say why, as I sat firmly within the beating heart of British broadcasting yesterday, the news went rippling through the news room that Gordon Brown, our prime minister, was about to resign. Our transmission came to an abrupt end as we arrived, metaphorically speaking, on the doorstep of Ten Downing Street. Love him or hate him, I liked Gordon Brown’s departing speech, but what was most intriguing, amongst all this discussion of patriarchy, prostitution and tradition, was his assertion that he was about to give up his ‘second most important job’, that’s the one that comes after his first most important job - husband and father to his wife and children respectively. Gordon Brown, unwittingly or not, ended up making the last, and most modern statement of the day.
Comments