So, I promised to tell you the second part of last week’s story and here it is. Let’s recap. Our storyteller is twenty-three years old and she has not yet lost her virginity. She kept it because she made a childhood pact with two friends not to become a teenage statistic. No pregnancy, no nasty diseases and no boring boyfriend problems, at least until graduation. But what do you know, by the time graduation rolled around, she was the only that had bothered to keep the vow. Fast-forward five years, and she still hadn’t gotten around to letting go of it. Until now that is.
There is little that I can say about this story because the words will speak so beautifully for themselves. But I can’t resist saying something. Whilst I am not advocating the keeping of virginity for all twenty-three year olds, there is something to be said about such a dramatic life choice. This woman has had the time to get to know herself. Because of this, she has a more realistic expectation of how this experience might impact on her life. In fact, she coins one of the best descriptions of virginity loss that I have ever heard: imperfectly perfect.
‘We are not designed for perfection and when we stop trying to reach the unreachable we can have our own perfect life. Imperfectly perfect works for me because I know that I am living my life for me by me and more importantly I am living up to my own expectations.’
Age and experience count for a lot when it comes to virginity loss. Which reminds me of a newspaper article that I have often referenced on this blog. It had a quote in it that I loved:
‘In an ideal world, you would wake up already in your second relationship.’
Now that would be tricky. But after listening to so many heart-rending stories from young people, I do understand the sentiment. Sex and love at a young age can be an unbearably intense experience. It would be helpful if we could skip that crazy first love stage and get right down to a relationship that actually works. Not that the crazy stuff ever really ends. Sex and love continue to be an intense experience, no matter old we are but the ‘unbearable’ part has to be removed from the equation if you want contentment in your day-to-day life. Age allows us to do this because we gain a more solid sense of who we are and, as a result, we gravitate towards experiences that genuinely add value to our lives. Or at least we hope we do!
Whilst I am here, I also wanted to say this. I had a poignant moment of my own when I received this story. When I began this blog two and half years ago, I didn’t think about where it was going to end up. I certainly didn’t think that one day, from the far reaches of the earth; young people would email and tell me about some of the most intensely personal experience of their lives, moment by moment, as they are unfolding. I find that very touching. I feel honoured to be included. I hope that the resulting posts add value to your lives.
The Vow – Part 2
23 years of waiting and a third date is what officially ended a 10-year vow. I made the decision to drop my promise several months ago but I did not expect to meet someone so fast that would take my breath away and give me the feeling it was finally right. Mason lives just over an hour out of state from me so we spent a month talking before ever met in person. Our first date felt like a meeting of old friends and our second felt like spending time with a long-term partner. Our third date was set to be atypical, as we would be spending the night together due to plans to attend a show out of state. The week before I booked the hotel and on the day, I packed my bags and hopped onto the hour-long ferry.
So many thoughts raced through my mind in those 60 minutes, every thought you would assume I could have raced around my mind a mile a second. Getting off the ferry to his face sent flutters through every inch of me and his soft peck on my lips had me unsteady on my feet. We stopped at his house to chat with his mother and for him to pick up a few last minute things then set out for the two-hour drive to our hotel.
In one of our many conversations in the month before, we talked about his experience and my lack there of and he was blown away by my strength to do something many people have not. He told me he would wait for as long as I needed with no expectation of having sex. His assurance only made me happier that we would be together because it told me my mind came first before anything else.
We hadn’t made our relationship official as of yet, although he did ask me if I would like it to be over the phone. I told him I wouldn’t give my answer until he asked me face to face, I knew that meant he’d have a full week before he would have the opportunity to do so. The day of our trip, we spent eight hours of conversation and then a lovely dinner without him making the move. I know it was payback for withholding my answer, but I think making a commitment needs to be in person.
Over dinner I hinted how he turned me on and he unabashedly whipped me his 1000-watt smile, which sparked a simmering fire in his eyes. Driving back to our room for the night we chatted about the show we would see. He excitedly told me about the cast and I engaged as much as I could over my burning desire to touch him. By the time we got back to our hotel after dinner I was growing antsy for him to ask me to be his girlfriend and just to be close to him again. Once back to our room with several hours until the show things start to get heated.
Kisses turned to caresses, which moved to fevered need. He striped me down and began let his lips do the talking, building the tight knot of desire deep within me. When I was reduced to nothing but wreathing moans he lifted his mouth to mine begging me a question. Giving him an answer or be denied his touch…
Cheating? Yes. Wickedly delicious way to ask me to be his girlfriend? Hell yes!
Realizing he had beat me at my own game, I pulled back to look him in the eyes, letting my words linger in my head before pressing a soft virile kiss to his ear, nipping his lobe I growled ‘yes’. I immediately felt the shift between us and the intensity bubbled over in our kissing. Like a match to kerosene he devoured me taking us to new heights of bliss and beyond.
Things became a blur of passion at that point, him working me over with his lips until I couldn’t take it anymore. Having gone over the edge twice against his touch I decided to return the favour. I start my journey at his lips working slow soft kisses down to his hips. He was more then ready for my mouth, but I was considering much more then that. He knew I had never gone all the way and I know he didn’t expect us to go there yet. Little did he know, I had measured my options and had already made my choice, I just wanted to tease him some first.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t all planned, but something clicked in my mind that told me all systems were ready and I wasn’t going to pass up my impulses. The instant his eyes connected with mine when I accepted his request to be official I knew that I wanted more than I had given before. With my intent simmering in my mind, I waited for it to sink in before I made the final decision to tell him I was ready to give him my virginity. I pleasured him for a while and when I knew he was blistering for any touch, I pulled away.
Apparently something in my face told him I was about to change our relationship in a big way because he sat up and took my face between his hands and kissed he so hard I forgot we only met three weeks ago. When he sat back I looked at his face and confessed that I wanted him completely. His face charged with emotion, then slight despair as he struggled to tell me he didn’t have any protection with him because he didn’t think I would want this so fast. Being full of surprises I hopped off the bed and went to my purse. I tossed him one of the two condoms I had carried in case such a situation were to arise. While I let him come out of his daze I crawled back into bed next to him and took a few deep breaths to steady myself and try and relax the nerves that burst through me the instant his hand touched my cheek.
He leaned in to kiss me gently and then asked me if I was sure I was ready. Nodding yes I kissed him back feeling a new sense of intimacy I have never experienced in my life sweep through me.
Mason kissed my neck before kneeing in front of my legs, which I had drawn up tightly against me. Placing his hands on my knees he urged my legs slowly apart and my breath caught in my throat when I saw the intensity in his face. Again he asked if I was sure and when I let my legs fall freely to the bed he slipped the condom on and leaned in to kiss me. We looked into each other’s eyes as he tenderly pressed into me. His width scared me and confirmed my hesitation as I struggled to relax enough to take him; Mason took so much of my comfort into consideration he actually asked if I wanted him to stop.
I am not one to give in or give up so I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me so I could tell him I was ok. Short and sweet, it was over faster than I had hoped for but then again I didn’t hold much expectation for my first. We cuddled for about an hour and then cleaned up to get ready for the show. Attending lingerie themed cabaret that almost brought me to tears it was so funny at times was a great break from the intense need that having him had created. Half way through the show I started to send signals that he was in for round two as soon as we got back to our room.
Round two was actually the one that got interesting. Because I was so revved up I didn’t allow for much foreplay and poor Mason didn’t stand a chance once I got in the zone. We started much the same way but without the coy resistance and then I wrapped my legs up over his hips. That move pulled him deeper and the searing pain whipped through me like a hot poker for a split second. He slowed and asked if I was all right, I told him to continue gently and we finished. I could feel him pull away and not wanting to let go just yet I arched against him kissing his lips. We kissed post coital for a few moments before he let himself slip from me. I saw the concern on his face and then I realized there was a little blood on the condom. I then knew what that sharp pain was, he had broken my hymen and the resulting blood was confirmation of that. I got to my knees and kissed his lips leaning my head on his shoulder while I told him not to worry and explained the issue, he thought he had been too eager but I assured him that was not the case.
After both cleaning up and getting ready for bed we curled into each other’s arms and fell asleep holding one another. So my first time, or first night of sex to be more accurate was perfect in and imperfect way. We laughed, bumped heads, fumbled with rhythm and enjoyed something people have been doing forever.
Now fast forward to two days later. Mason is of course, physically without hint to our night in bed; I on the other hand, am a heap of sore tender muscles and an ache that runs deeply. Exhausted doesn’t even begin to describe how tired I am and sore just scrapes the surface. I spoke to my best friend who had a laugh saying her baby friend is all grown up now and then gave me the 411 on what to expect and that then pain and exhaustion is normal for the first few times. Mason is amazing telling me he’d love to be here to kiss my pains away although I know I wouldn’t be able to resist him for long if his kissed me in some of the places my body aches.
So I guess the question is do I regret anything? My answer without a single doubt in my mind is not a single moment. Imperfectly perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing.
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