Kate Monro is the author of Losing It: How We Lost Our Cherry Over the Last 80 Years, published by Icon Books.

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Whats it all about?

  • Losing our virginity…it happens to almost all of us, no matter who we are or where we come from. How did it happen for you? Ever wondered what other people think and feel about this never-to-be-repeated experience? I am on a mission to find out. Follow my journey as I collect stories from as wide a selection of people as possible. From men and women, old and young, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim and Catholic, from the funny and the sad, to the happy and occasionally, the unbelievable. I am in search of the one story that we rarely share. Come and join my adventure.

Contribute your story?

  • Have you got a story you would like to post? Or an opinion you would like to share? Email me: katemonroe@yahoo.com Remember to tell me when you were born and what country you come from. All names will be changed to protect identity.

Whats happening in the sky?

  • CURRENT MOON

« ‘This heinous man….’ | Main | Don't be prophetic... »

April 22, 2009

Comments

Bob

Good for you for going against the grain in this predictably boring, sex-driven generation! I think it is great you didn't give into others' sense of right - or losing your own integrity by doing so!

When kids try to not give into temptation, they distract themselves. Why not do the same? Divert your energy into other facets of your life and achieve some goals you have been itching to do, or start something new.


I am not much older than you, but I'm a guy and still a virgin. Yes, virginity is more of an issue for women, but NOT losing your virginity is more of a stigma for men (see 40 Year Old Virgin). Life has given me extremely few opportunities to lose it, and those few times it did, I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life. I knew that the risks outweighed the benefits.

But I've been happy and have never felt that urge, like I MUST lose my virginity. It's not because I don't have any libido, but because I have too much to do, too much fun enjoying life. This means I don't allow the opportunity to present itself where temptation dangles its seductive pantyhose in front of me. I'm a student, violinist, breakdancer, language learner, and programmer. When I was just a student, I really made a big deal of relationships, true love, and all that other drama.

Whenever I'm out with friends, we have a lot to talk about (because we have a diversity of activities because of what I can introduce them to), a lot of goofy adventures, jokes, and even talk about my failed attempts at hitting on girls (they have girlfriends). It's casual, from time to time they try to "help me out," but it never is a big deal.

Maybe it's just how you look at things more than what it is - like you're either ONLY 50 kgs or OMG 110 lbs!. Maybe there's nothing wrong with not saving your virginity if and only if that's how you feel; and maybe it's everything if you save your virginity if that's how you feel (which, I think your husband will appreciate).

terri

thanks for the comments, i really appreciate it. The whole issue has brought nothing but headache, life is never simple. The way you handle not thinking about it is ok, by being busy but to me that is kinda hard especially as i am the only virgin amongst my friends. You know how girls are, they share details and the guyz just talk about it openly anywhere and at any time so basically i am surrounded by it. plus my libido/urge for sex gets stronger as i grow older, I mean its not like i don't want to have sex, i do like crazy but then i hold back. i understand that i should be in control of my virginity ( like someone said) but then sometimes you forget about the important stuff and you body takes over you brain, that's when the war starts.

Josa

I was called everything you can think of by the disappointed men to whom I denied my body. Don't worry about it, stick with your convictions! Look after yourself.

Kate Monro

Posted on behalf of one of my regular correspondents:

'Lodestone is a naturally occurring type of rock with very small particles of iron ore dispersed throughout it. The rock forms slowly in the Earth's magnetic field and has, locked within it, a "magnetic grain", as it were - something like an invisible wood grain. Ancient civilisations discovered that if a piece of lodestone were hung from a thread, the stone would experience a strange force, and eventually line up in a North-South direction. This gave rise to the first form of navigational magnetic compass.

So, why the geology? Well, I am suggesting this as an analogy to the "grain" that forms within a person who is brought up in a "field" of religious belief, and has developed some type of faith. This person feels a "tug" of conscience that the non-believer might not. As far as I know, any type of religious faith conditions, to a greater or lesser extent, the behaviour of the person who has this belief. I would suggest it is this that makes a "religious" person extra-uneasy about making certain decisions, such as whether or not to voluntarily terminate a state of virginity. Now, the tricky bit, it seems to me, is for such a person to decide if the "grain" within is a help to personal integrity and identity, or a hindrance. Quite possibly a bit of both! Do you trust the compass at all times? I would guess, having a strong R.C. background, your "inner grain" effect will certainly be felt, and will not go away.

Whatever decision you may make, Christianity is supposed to be based on compassionate love, and your God, your Church, and your mother will show this love you, regardless of any unintended anguish your decision might cause. I think you must also try to develop a little compassionate love for yourself. This dimension seems sadly underplayed in Christianity. There is too much emphasis upon implanting the notion of wretchedness within a person, not at all helpful or healthy, by my reckoning.

My old-fashioned view on the guy from whom you are presently separated, is that if he is of any worth at all, he will respect the fact that you are a virgin, and that he would not in any way wish you to be distressed by his wish to turn your relationship into being fully sexual. I think it would be totally wrong for him to try to make your consent a CONDITION for the relationship to proceed. Your virginity is something uniquely precious that YOU possess, and of which YOU should be completely in control.'

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