Kate Monro is the author of Losing It: How We Lost Our Cherry Over the Last 80 Years, published by Icon Books.

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  • Losing our virginity…it happens to almost all of us, no matter who we are or where we come from. How did it happen for you? Ever wondered what other people think and feel about this never-to-be-repeated experience? I am on a mission to find out. Follow my journey as I collect stories from as wide a selection of people as possible. From men and women, old and young, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim and Catholic, from the funny and the sad, to the happy and occasionally, the unbelievable. I am in search of the one story that we rarely share. Come and join my adventure.

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August 23, 2008



I do not mean to be harsh. Only direct and blunt.

This sounds like one of the many lies we tell ourselves for the psychological benefit it grants when the reality seems unbearable.

You see a person die in a hospital. You cannot unsee it, and it is a part of you. It is an experience and something that will affect you. The same applies to the bigger and smaller things. Sure, you can deny it, block it from your memory, but you still saw it.

However, you can take away from the experience whatever you see fit. You can learn from that mountain climbing class trip and commit to more adventures, or put it behind you as a great thing you never want to do again. The possibilities are endless.

I have no beef with waiting to have sex until marriage, or even deciding to wait after having done the deed. My beef is with the terminology these folks use. It makes it obvious that, even if you tell yourself it is not the reason, getting a second chance at being a virgin is the core drive. It's worth pointing out how repetitive (although worded differently) the "It's not that/it's far more than that/" sort of defensive statements were provided. To paraphrase Hamlet, me thinks the author doth protest too much.

Don't call it X-Virgin - no "virgin" or words with similar connotations - and see how unpopular this idea will become. Let's face facts: you're a "born again virgin" only because you think you messed up and have learned your lesson. So you learned from the experience, you've taken something away and now have decided to wait afterall. So why use the term virgin at all? Why not just be you?

You're NOT a virgin, or a "born again/second-time/forgive-forget" virgin. You're a human being who is uninterested in premarital sex. Guess what? So are many people. Don't sensationalize your situation with buzzwords that could put marketing folks to shame.

With that being said, I applaud your decision and the sense of freedom and happiness it has given you.

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