Kate Monro is the author of Losing It: How We Lost Our Cherry Over the Last 80 Years, published by Icon Books.

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Whats it all about?

  • Losing our virginity…it happens to almost all of us, no matter who we are or where we come from. How did it happen for you? Ever wondered what other people think and feel about this never-to-be-repeated experience? I am on a mission to find out. Follow my journey as I collect stories from as wide a selection of people as possible. From men and women, old and young, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim and Catholic, from the funny and the sad, to the happy and occasionally, the unbelievable. I am in search of the one story that we rarely share. Come and join my adventure.

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  • Have you got a story you would like to post? Or an opinion you would like to share? Email me: [email protected] Remember to tell me when you were born and what country you come from. All names will be changed to protect identity.

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July 26, 2008



Freedom is great, but in this country, it is sometimes a bit of an illusion. There are some social norms that are almost... dictatorship-esque? Thinking Justin Timberlake is hot is one of them (he is, but imagine the persecution I would face if I didn't?).

I felt like this for a long time and faced the same problem with peers. I don't think I ever came to terms with it as you have, but it is good to hear a fellow graduate student, also busy pursuing too many interests, keeping relationships a low priority. =)


Good post. I don't know about the "picturing myself in bed with that person thing", I have always thought that if I have a great time with someone outside of bed, and share a deep emotional connection with her, then that person automatically passes the bed-test (if I may call it =). After all, its all about how comfortable and connected you are to someone. At least for me.

And about love interfering with freedom, isn't a great partner supposed to help you experience it, rather than curtailing it? I used to think this way too, but I feel that if you find a person who has similar attitudes towards life in general and who he/she is in particular (career first or family first, for example), then this feeling of loss of freedom will be close to absent, plus all that you experienced before, playing the fiddle for example, would be doubly as enjoyable. I don't claim to know "the answer", there never is a universal one, these are just my two cents.

Overall, I feel that the bed factor is over-rated, the media loves to sell it. The question is not who you want to be in bed with, the question is who do you want to be with.



Wow. I could not have put this into better words. This is exactly how I feel (the only exceptions being I'm 20 and concerned about my BA and not grad school, and ukulele for me instead of fiddle), and what I could never articulate myself. Thank you so much for posting this; I feel so much less alone.

The Virginity Project

Always glad to be of service..

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