Kate Monro is the author of Losing It: How We Lost Our Cherry Over the Last 80 Years, published by Icon Books.

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  • Losing our virginity…it happens to almost all of us, no matter who we are or where we come from. How did it happen for you? Ever wondered what other people think and feel about this never-to-be-repeated experience? I am on a mission to find out. Follow my journey as I collect stories from as wide a selection of people as possible. From men and women, old and young, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim and Catholic, from the funny and the sad, to the happy and occasionally, the unbelievable. I am in search of the one story that we rarely share. Come and join my adventure.

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February 02, 2008



You say:

"I have an issue with ‘The Silver Ring Thing/True Love Waits/Creepy teenage-controlling-right-wing Christian groups. I don’t think it is right to ask what are essentially children to make very adult decisions about their lives and their bodies."

Wouldn't it make sense to create cultural biases that would ensure that children don't even have to think about making adult decisions? Having sex should be an adult decision. Face it, the poor kids never actually get to decide. It is all decided for them either by the media and media-informed peer pressure or by their overly protective parents/guardians. Isn't it preferable that what's decided "for them" is better and safer in terms of health, if nothing else?

Virginity Project

I agree, but I don't see how we can control this. As you say, young people and children learn so much of what they know via the media and its pretty ubiquitous - just turn on the telly or look at advertising hoardings.

Society as a whole has become more 'sexual' so we can hardly blame the reactionary response of parents to this either.

In the end, I can't help thinking that being honest and open with children and their questions is the only way forward. Teaching sex education well in schools would be a good start as well. Children pick up so much from adults and its no good if parents are secretive, embarassed or angry to be asked.

Giving them a headstart by presenting them with facts and when they get a bit older to open discussion about what sexual intimacy actually involves would help to prepare the way for adult life so much better.

Thats my ten cents worth!


"Marriage is too big a commitment without first road testing the rest of the equipment."

What happens when the "equipment" ages and doesn't work the same? Have you built up enough of a relationship to last beyond that or is it all based on whether the "equipment" is up to your standards? It is easier to build a lasting relationship when the sexual aspects aren't the focus of a relationship.

The Virginity Project

I couldn't agree more. We are nothing together unless we have built a solid enough foundation to see us through to our dying days together. However, whilst we are building that foundation, we also want to be 'testing the equipment' as much as we would like too! Because that is as much a part of the foundation as anything else. Its a mistake if its THE most important thing - but lets not diminish its importance.

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