Today’s storyteller tells a fine tale. And offers some good advice in the process. ‘Life’s an adventure’ she says, ‘and some good things are worth waiting for. There’s no point worrying over things you can’t necessarily control, all you can do is make sure that whatever is happening, you enjoy yourself.’ Easier said in retrospect perhaps than performed at the time but hey, these are words worth expressing. She throws some quirky detail into the story too. Did anyone else lose their virginity in a garden shed with a double bed in it? I thought not. My garden shed was full of paint pots, shovels and spiders.
I also liked the fact that she put her clothes back on halfway through losing her virginity and then had her boyfriend take them off again. This shits important. It reminds me of a night, years ago, when a very handsome boy - who later came to be known as The Twit to my friends – and I were back at my house. It was pretty obvious what was about to happen but still. I had two thoughts when I returned from the toilet to find him sitting in my bed having removed every single shred of clothing he’d been wearing. Number one, that’s a tad presumptuous and number two, way to take the excitement out of the situation dude. What can be more exciting than undressing each other for the first time? He’d taken the wind out of my sails. I probably should have recognized the signs right there and then but it was fun on the occasions when he managed to get his moves in the right order.
‘I really enjoy reading your blog. Who’d have thought a website all about sex would be one of the nicest and most touching things on the internet! I don’t know if you’ll use this, it’s a pretty average losing-it-to-a-boyfriend-story. Maybe I should use this as my title to make it sound more interesting: my week of Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll, in which for the first time I took class A’s, finally did it and also said I love you.
I met L whilst lost on a bus late at night the October before last. I was with my friend and he was with his, a guy I had met a couple of days ago at my new job. Over the next few months I became good friends with the guy from work, and we used to hang out in a group that included L. Pretty soon it became obvious that we liked each other and everyone in the group was pressuring us to get together, but we were both hampered by our pathological shyness of the opposite sex. I had never had a boyfriend, and whilst that doesn’t seem like such a big deal now, at the time I was really embarrassed about it. Also the sex thing…it all sounded quite scary and I wished my friends would stop asking when I was going to lose my virginity! Anyway, fuelled by much alcohol, L and I finally kissed, hurray! Maybe we would have got together then but just a few days later I was due to set off on a 3 month trip round South America which definitely put a stop to that.
Traveling was amazing and I had loads of new experiences but I couldn’t stop thinking about L and I was so happy when he got in touch and we started emailing. When I got back, very brown from Brazil, we met up and almost at once started seeing each other. It was awesome and we spent at least every other night together, but we didn’t go all the way or even talk about having sex. Then, after a night of drinking on the way back to mine he confessed that he’d recently been to an STD clinic, got the all clear, and how did I feel about us sleeping together? I felt a bit embarrassed actually but I was happy he was thoughtful enough to get checked out. Drunk I agreed, sure, let’s do it tomorrow!
Well of course the next day I felt too hung-over and hadn’t had enough time to think about it, but at least now sex was on the table. Over the next few days we had plenty of opportunity, we even got our own room in a hostel when we were searching for Uni accommodation up North, but it never felt quite right and I always had some excuse not to do it that particular night, even though I did want to do it. I was beginning to feel bad that I’d agreed in the first place if I was just going to keep saying no. Part of it was that I had always believed that first time sex should be with someone you love - old fashioned I know - and even though I really liked L I didn’t think I loved him. I remember wishing I could feel that way, and worrying if I didn’t feel it then I never would. Now I look back that’s a very strange way to think after being with someone for less than 3 months.
Anyway, around this time my best friend texted to ask if me and L wanted to go to this party with her and her boyfriend and take MDMA. I’m not a reckless person, but she’d done it quite a lot of times and said it was amazing and I’d read up all about its risks on the internet so I thought, why not? L’s good friend is, amongst other things, a drug dealer, so we got it off him, and in what is possibly the coolest part of my life so far and because L was at work that day, I was in charge of organising the deal. Obviously I should add that of course, drugs are not cool and the taking of them should not be in any way encouraged.
Well the party was amazing and so were our bombs of MDMA. There is nothing on earth like the feeling of euphoria as all that serotonin floods your brain and you feel as though you are made of candy-floss. And guess what another effect of MD is? Yes, a feeling of sincere and deep love for everyone in the same room as you…but especially the person who you are kissing with lips that seem to have turned into marshmallows. Luckily, me and L had agreed beforehand that saying the L word for the first time whilst off our faces on drugs was not a great idea so we didn’t, but we both wanted to. Strangely enough, the next day I wanted to say it as well, and it was hard to tell if it was for real or if I was still feeling the effects of the night before, something apparently known as the ‘after-glow.’
The next day I felt absolutely terrible. The second day after taking MD is not known as suicide Sunday for nothing. It seems my brain was seriously struggling with the effects of having a year’s supply of serotonin used up in one night. Worse, I had a cold and had bitten my lips to pieces so kissing became very painful. I sincerely wished I had said a firm NO to drugs, and we’d stayed in and had sex instead.
After a couple of days I recovered enough, and L came round that night as usual, only this time it was different. We knew we were going to do it. I kind of wish it had been more spontaneous now because I remember it was kind of awkward at first, we didn’t know what to say to each other. We have a shed at the bottom of the garden with a double bed in it which is where we always sleep, far from prying parents ears, and so we went down there and started kissing.
Things got heated until eventually clothes were off, condom was on, positions were taken up and….I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have sex, or I wasn’t ready, I just felt so nervous and even trying to have sex really hurt. L said it was fine, we’d do it another time but I had made my mind up to lose my virginity that night, and that’s what I planned to do. So we started kissing again and stuff - which is when I decided that what I actually wanted to do was get dressed. So he could undress me again, but slower this time. I wander if anyone else has ever gotten re-dressed in the middle of losing their virginity. I even went back up to the house for some of my parents red wine, which we drank just a little bit of out of plastic children’s cups, because I thought it might make me relax and stop it hurting so much. L said he admired my pragmatism. Soon we were lying in bed alternatively kissing, and staring into each other’s eyes, very romantic. And that’s when he said it. And I said it back. We loved each other.
Wow. In the end I think that’s the most important thing that happened that night. Not the sex, which happened a few minutes later and really hurt quite a lot. Ultimately being in love with someone is a much more important first. By that I don’t mean people should necessarily become too worried about losing their virginity to someone they’re in love with - L saying I love you would have felt just as special if I’d already had sex years ago. In fact no-one should have to worry about whether they have or haven’t lost their virginity at all, there are more important things in life.
Saying that, nobody should worry about those other firsts - like relationships and love - and when they will happen either. I say this because I wish someone had reassured me of the same thing when I was younger and my friends all seemed to be having boyfriends and doing stuff that I wasn’t. Life’s an adventure and some good things are worth waiting for. There’s no good worrying over things you can’t necessarily control, all you can do is make sure that whatever is happening, you enjoy yourself. And if at all possible, go to Brazil.
Now me and L have been together for nearly a year and I’m absolutely crazy about him. By the way, we’ve come a long way since that painful first time. The sex is now mind blowing, not that I have anything to compare it to, but trust me, it is. In case you’re wondering, I never did MDMA or any other serious drug again since that night, awesome experience though it was. It’s a terrible cliché, but it’s true, the only drug you need is love.’