Losing our virginity…it happens to almost all of us, no matter who we are or where we come from. How did it happen for you? Ever wondered what other people think and feel about this never-to-be-repeated experience? And how much more do we learn as we grow up? I am on a mission to find out. Follow my journey as I collect stories from as wide a selection of British people as possible. From men and women, old and young, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim and Catholic, from the funny and the sad, to the happy and occasionally, the unbelievable. How do I find people to interview? Why do they talk to me? I am in search of the truth. Come and join my adventure.
Contribute your story?
Have you got a story you would like to post? Or an opinion you would like to share? Email me: katemonroe@yahoo.com
Remember to tell me when you were born and what country you come from. All names will be changed to protect identity.
Bum! Sorry about that guys. The video I posted
last weekend got pulled - which just goes to prove my theory that you should
never save things 'for best'. I'd been planning to post that for an age and I
just should have got on with it.
Hey ho, as an alternative, I thought about
posting this, a video that really does exemplify the true meaning of innocence
and then I thought sod it. I'm kicking virginity loss to the kerb today.
Instead, I'm going to remind myself why I love Mary J Blige so much. Here
she is. The diva herself, chanelling pure Tina. Tina Turner that is......
When I read the line above, I actually expected to see a film about
someone sitting and telling their pet about their long lost virginity. Nothing
wrong with that I thought. I tell my cat all sorts of things. Turns out, that wasn’t
what they meant.
If you can get past the extreme ick factor this film engenders then I have to admit, it makes compelling
listening. Don’t worry, there are no scary visuals.
But
it still left scary thoughts somewhere more pertinent - my head. I needed something nice to think
about. This helped. Laughing – tick, teddies – tick, innocence - most
definitely. Bring it on.
(Apologies for not posting the YouTube link directly. If there are any Typepad brain-aches who know how to do it since the new 'Compose page' was introduced, please tell me!)
Water Lillies is one of those French films that normally I would hate, and truth be told, if you held a gun to my head and asked me to pick between that and ‘Echo Park LA’, another film that features virginity ‘loss’, I would choose Echo Park or ‘Quinceanera’ as it was originally known. But that’s just me and there’s a reason for it. I like happy. I like bright and I like warm weather. Whilst elements of Echo Park LA are harsh, the story is told against the rich vibrant background of Latino life in the Sunshine state – California – with a guaranteed 365 days of nice weather per year. Life might be hard but the temperature is hot and the ‘uncle’ of the film is the owner of one of the cutest little gardens I have ever seen.
Horticultural preferences asides, ‘Water Lillies’ is another kettle of fish altogether. You know those French films that are set in the geographical equivalent of Staines? Not even Staines but Staines in the sticks. Staines in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and nowhere to go and the director never lets you forget this for even a moment or tries to dress this town up to be anything other than what it is. This is the filmic version of heroin chic. No frills, no spills, just real life with all the glamour of a bare bulb swinging back and forth across a sparsely decorated bedroom.
I’m just trying to flag up some of the internal prejudices that this rookie film reviewer has to wrestle with when she steps into the cinema and frankly I don’t suppose I shall be spending much of my life reviewing films for anyone other than myself with that attitude but I will say this: ‘Water Lilies’ is a terrific film.
This is a film that takes you back to a time when stuff mattered. I don’t mean the stuff that you think about now: houses, mortgages, jobs and money, I mean the important stuff. Desire, boys, girls and hormones. Do you remember when the four walls that surrounded your bedroom felt like the universe? Do you remember the first time you felt like you might die if the feelings you felt were not reciprocated? This film does. It takes us slap bang into the world of three very different young women as they explore their first forays into the world of physical love.
There are no holds barred here, literally and figuratively. The director pulls no punches when she illustrates how the foxier of the three goes about the technical loss of her virginity - I don’t want to ruin this scene for you, you’ll have to see it. These are young urban women with nothing to hold them back from pursuing their teenage desires, unlike the protagonist of my other new favorite film, ‘Echo Park LA’ – a bit of a misnomer actually as it came out in 2006.
Magdalena has no such luck. She is on the eve of her ‘Quinceanera’. This is the traditional Mexican celebration that informs the world of a girl’s impending woman hood. Virginal women hood. ‘Quinceanera’ means fifteen and as such, all fifteen-year old Mexican girls are supposed to be ‘pure’. This is a problem for Magdalena because she is pregnant.
Here we arrive at a theme that these two films share. One of the modern absurdities of our time is the misinformed belief that an inconsequential piece of skin is a reliable indication of virginity. Every sane person knows that a hymen can be broken in so many ways, none of which involve sexual intercourse.
For our French sisters, this tiny piece of skin represents nothing more than a physical barrier, something to be removed quite literally, again - I won’t tell you how - and, most importantly, in order to save face. No one wants to be a big prissy virgin. But for Magdalena, the presence of this anatomical detail is a saving grace. She might be pregnant but she didn’t have sex - at least not the penetrative kind.
And yes, in case you are wondering, it is possible to get up the duff this way. My friend’s thirteen-year old daughter is living proof of this fact. Hello? Fingers can fit into all sorts of places and sperm can swim!! Luckily for Magdalena, this oversight has been noted by the local doctor, luckily for us, not before our hapless heroine is dispatched to live with the other black sheep of her family, her gay cousin. Here the film finds its heart between the tender interplay of these characters and their protector, the lovely garden owning great uncle.
Neither film takes a moral stance on any of this activity; it merely observes the characters as they struggle to take their first sexual steps whilst being judged against the activities of their peers – Water Lillies, and the social mores of their elders – Echo Park LA.
Water Lillies may lack the surface sunshine of ‘Echo Park’ but it has a very warm core - topped off by some truly beautiful performances. OK, I know these girls are professional actors but this is some serious subject material and they carry it off superbly. Ditto Echo Park, which strays into documentary territory at times, so visceral are the emotions expressed by these actors.
Both films echo what I reach to achieve on this blog – the gravity and the humor of some very serious situations. For some people, the loss of virginity is literally life threatening. For others the consequences may not be so drastic, at least not to the naked eye.
Echo Park LA is available here.
Water Lillies is out on 14 March in the UK. Take a look...
Being British, one does feel the need to spout off about the weather from time to time. Therefore, I am sure you will be pleased to know that it is THE most stupidly gorgeous day here in London. The sky is blue, the sun is shining and the birds really are singing in St James Square.
The cupcake of my day has just been iced with a bacon sandwich and cup of earl grey tea. Could life get any better?
Following on in the general theme of retrospection, here is the cover of a rather fantastic book I recently found. When I first opened the cover, I noticed this, printed on the first page:
‘First published in May 1968
Reprinted in the same month
Third impression August 1968
Fourth impression June 1970
Fifth impression January 1973
Sixth impression (revised) June 1973’
Cruising around YouTube lately, I also unearthed this handy film:
This film has been viewed 360,563 times.
It makes you think doesn’t it?
In forty years, we have done some stuff. This might sound funny to someone of a certain age, but I still get a buzz from the fact that I have my very own telephone, one that I can pluck from the back pocket of my jeans everytime it rings. Anyone under the age of 18 will have no idea how much time I spent sitting and staring at this version that was attached to my parent’s kitchen wall. Cordless? We had to wait another ten years for that. Quite asides from the fact that I control my own fertility, (my mother had no such luxury). I can also book a flight to Paris, Copenhagen or Brussels, (on my small, neat laptop, whilst utilizing the local supply of broadband technology), for under £50 quid without leaving the house. I might even consider this, if I had more money than sense.
But some things don’t change.
‘How does sexual intercourse take place?
What do people feel like during intercourse?
What is masturbation?
What is V.D? Why is it dangerous?’
These are chapter headings from a book first published in 1968. They are also questions that are answered in this film. It doesn’t matter how far we ‘advance’ in this world. It makes no odds how sophisticated the methods by which information can be delivered become. Young people have the same questions about sex now as they did then. Go figure.
It’s a ramble, it’s about virginity, and I love it.
Welcome back to the world of Big Bear Ron, a forty-nine year old gay teacher from Atlanta Georgia. Big Bear echo’s my own sentiments when he says that virginity applies to so many different things. Your first French kiss, the first time you are naked with someone. The first time you touch someone.
A thirty- something-year-old who I recently interviewed would certainly concur. For Jason, a man, who by his own admission read way too much ‘Tess of the D’Urbervilles’ as a teenager, the first time he touched a woman, which just happened to occur down a farm track and under the light of a silvery moon, he said that he discovered 'a whole new universe’.
Revel in the delightful world of Big Bear Ron as he ponders some interesting questions about virginity.
I feel very honoured today because the man himself has made this bespoke video for 'The Virginity Project'.
In it, he asks some pertinent questions.
Chloe, take note!
Is virginity a treasure....or a liability?
Is it something to lose...or grow out of?
Could it be a badge of courage..or a badge of fear?
As Big Bear says, one can be virgin to so many things. Apples, turnips, ( or Yahoo messenger in my case).
All the way from Atlanta, Georgia, here is Big Bear Ron as he talks us through a few firsts of his own....
