The Virginity Project wants to apologize for the scantiness of postings. Normal service will resume soon! We are up to our ears weaving together the myriad interviews conducted over the last five years and putting them in a book. It’s a little like doing the sort of jigsaw puzzle that would keep my mother busy for about six months but slowly, surely, its coming together.
In the meantime, The Virginity Project also appreciates the fact that when young people (or indeed, people of any age) lose their virginity, they feel compelled to write and tell us all about it, sometimes just hours after it happened. Today is one such day.
Rose. Aged 16. Lost virginity today.
My name is Rose and I was born in 1994. I live in England. I lost my virginity earlier today, to my boyfriend. I don't have anyone I can tell about this, but I might burst if I don't get my story out, so I thought I'd share with your project.
I gave away my virginity for a multitude of reasons. Inadvertent peer pressure and frustration had a hand in it, but I mainly just...wanted to. Some might call me naive, since I haven't been with him very long and we're young. Young people tend to do stupid things. But I don't think what I did was stupid. It was a little clunky, short-lived and far from a perfect virginity loss story. No candles, no whispered ‘I love you’s’. He wasn't slow, gentle, or reverent. But it was sweet and honest and good, which is all I'd ask for.
It was about half past midnight and I was climbing out of my window for the third time this week. I've been secretly sleeping at his for a few days, enjoying the thrill of fooling our parents and spending ridiculous amounts of time together. We both knew what was going to happen. I brought condoms I had gotten free a couple of weeks earlier, and I remember feeling excited as I approached his. I was a little dizzy - I'd ran most of the way there and my breathing was heavy. He was in his living room and he let me in through his window, taking my things for me as I scrambled in, desperate not to make noise.
I dumped my coat on the smaller sofa and turned to him. We kissed for a little while, falling back on the couch. And I remember the air felt heavy, and searching for my bag as my eyes tried to adjust to the dim light from the hallway. He sat back as I put the condom on him, fumbling a little. I wasn't nervous throughout the entire thing. He was on top, because I sort of thought that would be easier. It was clumsy, and he was quite fast. We probably should have used more lubricant, and he could have been more gentle. But I remember a little pain that was over quickly, and how I was inside my head the whole time. Once I just calmed myself and forgot the thoughts running through my head (It was ridiculous - I never once worried the condom was going to break or that we'd be caught, but I was freaking out inside my skull about whether or not I'd brought my stuff for the morning) and just went with it, it felt good.
It was over pretty quickly, and after I felt the weight of him lying on top of me, and feeling his heart race. It was euphoric. I felt so separate from the world and yet never closer to anyone in my life. It was sort of like being in a dream. And then we talked and laughed and went to bed. We had sex again that afternoon and it was good. We're so much closer, and I've never enjoyed being a teenage statistic more. I don't have any regrets, and I don't think I will. I don't feel different now that I've lost my virginity, but I feel like I'm...amplified.