Oh my lord, I’m bored. Of this story. Not just this story specifically but the entire energetic balance of this debacle. You’d think Kristen Stewart was the first and only 22 year old woman in the world ever to make a mistake. I’m not suggesting we all go out and have an affair with a married man. It’s not funny or cool or nice for the people who are involved. But strangely, most people do not set out to maliciously hurt people when they embark on such actions.
Yes, if you live in the public eye, you must ‘die’ in it too. And yes, Kristen Stewart is considerably more famous than the male director of her latest movie but really……if witch hunting were still an accepted form of punishment, Kristen Stewart would have been cat food three weeks ago whilst her male, much older and, you would hope, slightly more worldly counterpart, carried on about his business. Ho de hum. I won’t even start on the rumours of Robert Pattinson’s apparent ability to remain faithful to Kristen Stewart over the last 4 years (limited if stories are to be believed). No, Kristen Stewart is a Trampire and we should all wear the T-shirts to remind her of that fact.
Today’s storyteller, fittingly, explains just how easy it is to be a human being, to make mistakes, to do things that perhaps we wish we hadn’t. She shows us how there are two sides to every story, much as we might regret them. As you would expect, she parts company with her virginity in the process.
And just in case there is any doubt left here people, this is life. We all do stuff we’re not proud of. If you get to your dying day and, hand on heart, you don’t have some regrets/diaries in the attic that you have begged your best friend to shred upon your departure, you’ve gone wrong somewhere. Life should not be a manicured lawn. It should be a little bit jungley and a little bit wild. Your trellis should be hanging off your back wall and your neighbour’s ten foot nettles should be peeping over the top (yes, that’s my garden I’m talking about). Life is not perfect but it’s still beautiful. Spoken as I leave for a holiday I can’t really afford in a country that’s made plenty of mistakes but one in which I’ll always love to spend my cash.
‘Hi Kate, My name is Sarah, from the UK and i'm 18 years old. I really want to share my story with you because it played a big part in my life which shocked and surprised me.
For a long time I really thought that my virginity was something to lose as quickly as possible. This wasn't always the case as I waited until i was 18 to lose it.
Growing up in an all-girls school, I never really interacted with boys and quite frankly the subject of men scared me in a way. I didn't have my first kiss until i was 15 and that was with a male friend that i had known since i was 2. It was horrid, i didn't have a clue what i was doing and my friend picked up on that which deeply embarrased me and put me off men for a long time.
Then when I hit 17, my best friend got a new boyfriend and would share her stories with me, like her first kiss and how she lost her virginity. This made me feel like i was missing out and that even though I am older than her I felt as if i was a decade younger.
This is when something clicked in my head, I wanted those intimate times with someone, I wanted to be able to tell my friend all about the wonderful sex that i was having. So I basically kissed anyone i could, more often than not I was drunk beyond belief and often regretted it the next day. But I still hadn't found anyone who I would feel comfortable enough with to lose my inhibitions and have sex with.
One day, my best friend said to me ‘you know they are saying that the world is going to end in 2012? Well if that's so then you will die a virgin’. I know it was a very immature thing that she said to me and it was a joke but that sentence really struck a chord with me, I don't want to die a virgin, I want to be intimate with someone and to know what having sex feels like. So I turned 18 and made it my mission to lose my virginity before my 19th birthday.
Last Christmas me and my male friend (who I shared my first kiss with) were getting very close. We shared a kiss at midnight on new years eve and things were looking up, we even discussed the possibility of having sex! Things were going great and he invited me round to a new years day party at his cousin’s house. He took me inside and introduced me to his older cousin Max (that’s what I'll call him) and Max's girlfriend Laura.
The moment I saw Max my breathing started going funny, I know it’s very cliche but I fancied the arse off this man, he was 12 years my senior, had a girlfriend and was the cousin of the guy i was planning on losing my virginity too. So I brushed it to the back of my head and tried to forget about him. I also started to become really good friends with Laura, enough to even start calling her a 'best friend' and over the months I saw how her and Max were really not getting on, by Feb they had split up but continued to live together due to the fact that neither of them could afford to get a place of their own. So I would go round to their flat and we would all drink together and it became a weekly occurrence.
Then the night I lost my virginity happened! I had finished a late shift at work and went straight round to Max and Laura's flat to join in and have a drink, I was under the impression that Max wasn't there so I was surprised to find him sitting there waiting for me while Laura (who'd drank a lot of wine) had passed out and gone to bed. Max asked me to stay and he started pouring his heart out saying how upset he was with the situation that he found himself in with Laura and asking me advice on how to sort it out.
We were drinking at this time and I (in my drunken haze) was trying my best to give him advice. After a while we went to see if Laura was ok and if we could try and wake her, At this point i felt bad that i was sitting with her ex in her own home while she was in bed and i think that Max picked up on that fact. However she wouldnt wake so Max asked me to come into the living room, I agreed and sat on the floor, i was feeling quite sorry for myself because I felt quite drunk and the next thing I knew Max had laid on top of me and we were kissing.
Before I knew it clothes were being torn off and we started having sex. It was the most painful experience of my life to date and I started to bleed quite heavily. I pushed him off me and went home in a shocked and dazed like state. I couldn't believe what I had done, and to one of my best friends as well, how was I going to ever look her in the face again? How could I be her friend?
Needless to say My virginity loss has effected me in a way I never thought it would. There wasn't any romance, I didn't see stars and quite frankly I can't say that I enjoyed it in any way. I might come across as a home wrecker, a bad friend and a lying cheat but I continued to be friends with Laura, I still am to this day and me and Max acted like nothing had ever happened, it was never mentioned again until one night last month when we had sex again.
This time it was different, i didn't bleed and i started to enjoy it, that was until I realised that i was hurting my friend, if she knew her boyfriend of ten years had taken my virginity then she'd be heartbroken, would never speak to me or Max again and she would more than likely lose trust in any man that she might meet in the future. But that doesn't stop me from wanting Max, it upsets me to know that I will never be with the man who took my virginity, the one i was so desperate to lose but now i'm so desperate to get back.
Losing my viriginity has caused me so much heartache, and would more than likely cause my friend a lot more heartache as well, I just wish I could turn back the clock and save it for someone who would have appreciated it and for someone who had more respect for me as a person.
Sorry for the essay but I needed to get it off my chest, even if you don't include this in your blog it has helped me by just being able to tell someone about it.'