I don’t mean to be flip but this story reminded me of the time that I stood perched over the kitchen sink, thinking about bacon (I hadn’t eaten any for 6 years due to a severe case of vegetarianism) when I suddenly realized that I had completely forgotten why I had ever given up meat in the first place. I ate fish. Fish have feelings too. What was I doing? I couldn’t answer the question so I pulled the frying pan out of the dirty washing up water, washed it and ran to the shop for some porcine purchases. I was sitting at my kitchen table eating a hot bacon sandwich within 15 minutes and it was everything I had ever dreamt it would be.
Furthermore, today’s correspondent fed this intro to me by hand by calling herself ‘the vegetarian butcher’. Nice that this story also ends with cake. All good stories end with cake.
Rachel Pinsky. Aged 25, lost her virginity a month ago.
‘When you wear your virginity on your sleeve like I do, you get a lot of questions. I’d talk about it confidently, not embarrassed, but not thrilled. Yes, I would explain, I was disappointed I hadn’t found the right situation, yet I was still adamant on not giving it up for the wrong one. I got mixed reactions. I had to accept that some people simply didn’t understand. Once I realized that I didn’t actually believe those answers I’d been spouting for nearly a decade, that I too didn’t quite understand what was stopping me, I knew I was ready to let go.
It’s hard to explain that ‘ready’ feeling that suddenly took over me, but I’d be lying if I said that physical ache for flesh-on-flesh didn’t have something to do with it. I’ve always been a sexual person, so to others, it was unfathomable that I was still waiting. I even sold erotic toys through an in-home party business for two years. ‘She’s like a vegetarian butcher,’ marveled my roommate’s boyfriend. But weeks before my 25th birthday, I got that carnivorous craving – I had clearly made up my mind, and all I needed was a partner.
I wanted to have sex, but I had other life plans to make too. I was prepping for a trip back home, halfway across the United States from where I live in Austin, TX, to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. It was going to be a whirlwind trip, so I made contact with a small group of friends to get together for brunch that weekend. The quickest RSVP came from Adam, a friend from my days living in the city. We’d always had sexual tension, flirted, and finally hooked up on my very last night in town and then again during my last trip home. He expressed interest in seeing me outside of brunch, and I convinced myself that he was the one. He didn’t know it yet, but I was going to sleep with him.
Would I really go through with it? I wondered the week before the trip. I knew I was ready, but was he definitely the right partner? I thought so, but I needed some encouragement. Instead, I got my period.
It was for the best. I wasn’t 100% sold on the idea of Adam anyway and he ended up bailing on brunch, so maybe he wasn’t the right one anyway. But I still had all this sexual energy from even thinking about it and I wanted to channel it. Minutes into Amy’s wedding rehearsal, I had spotted my conquest.
It was so obvious to me from the very beginning– James, the best man in the wedding was a strong, statuesque figure with smooth, dark chocolate skin and a perfect smile. He was young, two years younger than me. He was gorgeous. He was an athlete, 100% man in every way. And he was definitely the one I wanted, so I got to work immediately. I laid it on thick at the beginning, without giving everything away, but once I was sure he knew what I wanted, I let him come to me for the final proposal. James was leaving for another social engagement right after the wedding, and I had late-night plans myself, so I informed him that now was his one and only chance. He agreed to give me a ride back to my car, and on the way, we parked in the back of a shopping center parking lot. Within seconds, his pants were off and my mouth had formed some intense suction surrounding his enormous flesh. It didn’t take very long for him to climax, which I took as a compliment and also relief because we both had places to be.
We exchanged numbers, he dropped me off at my car, and we didn’t waste any time engaging in some steamy ‘sexting’ sessions. The more detailed we got in our exchanges, the more I realized that I actually did want to do the dirty things I said I wanted to do with him – and most of those things involved penetration. This was more than just fantasy with James; I wanted this to be the real thing. When he gave me the news that in a week’s time, he’d be in Houston visiting some family, I could clearly visualize my fantasies coming true. I told him I was a virgin, but I was ready to feel the movement of a man, especially a man like him, inside of me, and he was thrilled. He couldn’t get to Texas fast enough.
When he finally did, he made the three-hour drive to Austin as soon as I had two days off of work in a row. He arrived by noon and came by 12:10. And thus, I lost my virginity. I lost my virginity all damn day and all night, and then much of the next day too. The feeling wasn’t completely foreign to me, what with my experience with toys, but it was definitely…well, way more awesome. I hadn’t expected to like it that much, but I sure did!
I couldn’t have been happier with my partner. He was up for the challenge of a 24-hour marathon, he was very impressive in size, and his position in my life was purely physical (i.e. I didn’t cry after the first time…or the tenth). We were using each other, and we embraced it, but that didn’t mean we didn’t respect one another. In fact, he turned out to be a pretty great guy after all: responsive, generous, very few sexual partners despite his good looks and local celebrity status (he was a football star in college). In fact, when one of my friends Googled his name to find dirt, instead, she found a picture of him with President Obama!
We had the opportunity to meet up one more time before he headed back home. We decided upon driving to a tiny Texas town halfway between Austin and Houston. I looked up a restaurant in the town, figuring if we drove all that way, we might work up an appetite for something other than each other’s bodies. Nervous about the unknown, I called the restaurant, and in the most polite way possible, I asked if I would get any disparaging looks if I showed up to the restaurant with my black boyfriend. They assured me that all would be just fine, but when I arrived to the restaurant a few minutes before he did, something just didn’t feel right.
Luckily, when he folded his large frame into my Cavalier and we drove off to find a secluded spot, everything felt perfect. Suddenly, neither one of us were very hungry. Nestled between some kind of mill building and the woods in broad daylight, we assumed a familiar position for about an hour and a half. Once was never enough with James, for me or for him, but we didn’t have time for too much more. One orgasm filling my mouth and two more filling the only two condoms he brought for the occasion, and we were back on the road. I found it interesting that as much access as I was giving him to my once-forbidden female territory, he couldn’t get enough of oral sex. I didn’t mind; I’ve grown to really enjoy giving oral sex, but I didn’t want to waste the time he spent erect on an area of my body that can’t orgasm. Fooling around in the back seat of a shitty car – I may not have lost my virginity in high school like plenty of other girls, but I did a pretty damn good job of duplicating the most common experience.
He flew back home a couple days later, and we kept in touch, even planning a trip in the fall to meet up, but I don’t feel the need to maintain a relationship with him just because he was my first – I would, however, really like to have sex with him again because, well, it was really good. I shared my story with two girlfriends around my age who had also lost their virginities within a week of my sexual encounter. They both said about the experience, ‘It really wasn’t a big deal,’ to which I replied that they must have been doing it wrong.
In addition to these two girlfriends, I’d talked about having sex with James to pretty much anyone in my life who would listen. I couldn’t have been more excited to finally have sex with someone I really, really wanted to have sex with, and I found it kind of amusing that after all this time, I gave it to a guy I knew for about twenty minutes. My four coworkers knew exactly what I was doing with my two days off of work that week, and when I arrived back to the office on Wednesday morning, I was grilled on all the dirty details. I was only too happy to share.
There wasn’t too much time to talk about it though – apparently, a lot had happened in the two days I was out of the office, and I had plenty of work on my plate in order to catch up. My boss interrupted my busy workload to insist we have a quick office meeting. We never have time for office meetings, so why we had to complete one when I had other work to do was mildly annoying to me, but I followed along – what other choice did I have?
The three ladies in the office and I piled into the back office, and that’s when I notice the giddy grins on their faces. One of them ducked down under a desk and returned to view, this time holding a large, delicious-looking double-chocolate cake. ‘Congrats on your Loss’ was embossed in decorative red writing, and the middle of the cake featured a delicate white flower. One of my coworkers pointed to the center of the cake. ‘We were going to put a cherry on top, but it looks like it rotted!’
It meant so much to have my friends celebrate this moment in my life with me. Now, not only will I remember the amazing feeling I got from a strong, well-endowed man bringing me to physical ecstasy, I’ll also remember the feeling of my friends caring enough to commemorate the occasion with me. I can’t decide which one felt better. That’s a lie. I don’t know why I said that. Obviously, I know which one felt better…but the latter was damn close.
Other friends warned me that now that I’ve felt the sensation of a strong, warm body on top of me, inside me, and now that I’m mature enough to actually handle sex, I’ll be doing it every chance I’ve got. I’m not so much worried about that. Less than a week later, when I brought home my human birthday present from the bar, I had no problem turning him down for unlimited access to my body. I’ve been saying no for 24+ years, and I’m confident that I can continue…unless you get me near anything, and I mean anything, large, chocolate, and totally indulgent.’