What were once vices are now habits...

Last week, Billy and Chloe, particularly Chloe, were agonizing over their respective virginities/virgini?

Could there be such a thing as a plural virginity?

Anyway. They were.

And I began to think about all the stress and the anxiety and how ginormous a wedge this had driven between two people and what most of us take for granted in life – a loving, (hopefully), sexual relationship between two human beings. Virginity loss has a lot to answer for really, because after all, what is it?

If we go with the traditional definition then it is one teeny incidence of penetrative sex.

So that’s it then is it? And then it’s all over? Dammed to hell for evermore because of an experience that is frankly likely to take up less then ten minutes of your life. Well, at least the first time anyway.

Virginity.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s an eleven-letter word but its impact cannot be overstated. Wars have been fought over it, lives lost – and begun. Marriages made and ended. Is it a sensible proposition for its existence to be so very tenuous and dependent on just one, quite possibly, innocent instance of penetrative sex?

As you may have guessed, I am not weighed down by religion. I like church but I don’t have to go, so mostly I don’t. Some people do, so for them, here is John, my religious correspondent, as he shall now come to be known, with his definition of virginity loss. Take notes, Chloe, this is what you could get away with if you did decide to go down that path and not feel cast asunder afterwards:

‘This email contains a certain amount of gore, but that doesn't bother me, I now realize, because I was brought up in a medical household, my Dad is a retired GP and Mum is a pharmacist. Nonetheless, I think it's important for Chloe to be aware of these things.

My definition of the loss of virginity is the traditional definition of the union of a penis and vagina with probable ejaculation by the male. This brings me to another important point. My wife and I have used condoms for nearly 20 years and don't bear any guilt about it. The Catholic hierarchy's view about contraception as distinct from abortion demonstrates that they are living in cloud cuckoo land. I would certainly encourage Chloe to use a condom with someone from both a sexual health point of view and also preventing conception.

If she was to accept my definition of the loss of virginity, she still has a lot of freedom to retain her virginity and develop satisfying sexual relationships with men, (and women for that matter), that involve removing clothing, allowing hands and fingers to explore all parts of someone's body including hers, (masturbation is natural and not evil), kissing, cuddling and usage of her and her partners tongue etc etc. My wife and I engaged in this type of activity for two years before we got married.’

So basically everything then.

Chloe, most of what my religious correspondent refers to above is way more intimate and sexually satisfying than most people’s first experience of penetrative sex. If you can get any or all of the above down pat, then the rest will be a walk in the park. Or on it. Or next to it. Or behind the bike shed.

Wherever and whenever you like.