The Virginity Project

An unusual anniversary gift...

Today, I give you a unique perspective on virginity. This is an edited version of a news story that was first published in the Wall Street Journal.

U.S. women seek a second first time with hymen surgery

Thursday, December 15, 2005
By Amy Chozick, The Wall Street Journal

For her 17th wedding anniversary, Jeanette Yarborough wanted to do something special for her husband. In addition to planning a hotel getaway for the weekend, Ms. Yarborough paid a surgeon $5,000 to reattach her hymen, making her appear to be a virgin again.

"It's the ultimate gift for the man who has everything," says Ms. Yarborough, 40 years old, a medical assistant from San Antonio.

Hymenoplasty, a controversial medical procedure known mostly for its prevalence in the Middle East and Latin America, is becoming popular in the U.S. Although there are no hard data, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons says vaginal surgery, including hymenoplasty, is one of the industry's fastest-growing segments. Gynecologists are marketing hymenoplasty in magazines, local newspapers and online. They report business is booming.

Restoring innocence this way has sparked criticism. Religious groups that value abstinence until marriage say hymen repair is a deception. Some feminists liken hymenoplasty to female genital mutilation. In addition, hymen repair, unlike other types of reconstructive surgery, isn't taught in medical residencies. Some medical associations worry that surgeons might be improperly trained.

"Revirgination" costs as little as $1,800 at Ridgewood Health and Beauty Center, a spa and cosmetic-surgery center in the New York City borough of Queens. To promote the procedure, the center's owner, Cuban-born Esmeralda Vanegas, has given away hymenoplasties on a Spanish-language radio station. She also promotes them in her eponymous magazine, Esmeralda.

Ms. Vanegas says many of her patients risk disgracing their families if they're not virgins on their wedding night. Many are Latin American immigrants. "Losing your virginity is like losing a member of your family," Ms. Vanegas says. "We can make it seem like nothing ever happened."

Named after Hymen, the Greek god of marriage, the vaginal membrane has since primitive times been a marker of virginity, even though it can be ruptured by nonsexual activity, such as athletics. At one time, a bride's intact hymen was considered the only way to be certain about the paternity of any ensuing children. A small number of traditional cultures still require brides' hymens to be examined.

Thomas G. Stovall, a recent president of the Society of Gynecologic Surgeons, a top professional body, says "hymen repair is a totally bogus procedure." In general, he says, surgery marketed to improve one's sex life rarely works. As for hymen replacement, "most importantly, it doesn't make you a virgin again."

Ridgewood's Ms. Vanegas concedes her business is based on deception. But she says hymen repair is no different than other cosmetic procedures -- from waxing to Botox injections -- that women use to impress men.

"I'm a feminist," Ms. Vanegas says, "but there's a need for this and someone has to provide it."

Everyone should have a Somerfields..

I feel an urge to share an episode with you that has nothing to do with the subject matter of this blog. It occurred the other day when I was in my local Somerfields, (hold on to your horses now, this could get exciting), and I got to the counter with my product of choice – a four-pack of Grolsch. Oh joy. There is a connection, a tenuous one, but a connection nonetheless. The drinks in question were for James, a boy, or should I say man, who will be telling me his story later in the week. By the by, don’t get any funny ideas about me plying my subjects with alcohol in order to elicit better stories from them. The beer was James’s idea and I quote, ‘Sorry to cancel our interview. How about next week? You’ll get more out of me because I will be back on the booze by then’.

Anyway, there I am, standing at the counter with my four pack and the lady behind the till gives me a funny look. She takes a deep breath and asks the words I thought I would never hear again. ‘Have you got any ID please?’ Time, momentarily, stood still.

I am six weeks shy of my thirty-ninth birthday.

Her face was a picture when I produced my driver’s license. ’You do realize this is a great compliment’ she stumbled. Compliment? Reader, I didn’t walk home from the supermarket with my four-pack that afternoon. I floated.

Back to the point….Did I score any stories on my trip up north? Well, that remains to be seen. There were certainly some very fine guests in attendance at my aunts’ 70th birthday party. A lovely, green eye-shadowed teacher from Algeria, who sadly didn’t land in Britain until her thirties, so she is not within one of only two parameters that I have carved out for my collection of stories, one being that the subjects must ‘feel’ British. They don’t have to have been born here, but they need to have had their formative experiences in this country. She was interested to hear about The Virginity Project and we talked at length about the issues facing young Muslims in the UK today. Fingers crossed, she might be able to facilitate an interview between myself and one of her Muslim contacts, men, women, I am not fussy.

So in between burping babies and haranguing teenage cousins of the once removed variety, cousins who do all sorts of interesting stuff like study philosophy at university, the sort of stuff I probably could have done, had I the inclination and/or pulled my finger out long enough to open a book at that age, it was a top class day out. With a bit of gentle pestering on my part, hopefully interviews will be forthcoming and ‘Sheffield – The Return’, will be on the cards soon.

I heart the M1...

Today sees me shoot up the M1 to Sheffield, home of snooker tournaments, two types of Cocker – Joe and Jarvis, and many, many steep hills. On the face of it, I am going to my aunts 70th birthday party on Sunday. My aunt is a very interesting lady. I think it is fair to say that her life began after her husband, who spent what seemed like years, building a barge in front of the house, ordered some vehicle to take it away, hopped on said vehicle with said barge and never came back. My aunt has morphed her way through many incarnations since that day including art student, stand up comic – the beautifully monikered Betty Spittle (www.fatreg.com/reading1991/Rdg1991.html), masseuse and intrepid traveler - her recent posts from the depths of Patagonia were something to behold. So whilst I can hardly wait to salute my wonderful aunt, a lady who made her biggest impact on me when at the age of fifty, she dyed her hair fuscia pink, I must also confess that my little story telling antenna are a-twitch at the thought of the variety and sheer scope of party guest in attendance this Sunday at the Showroom Cinema complex in the centre of Sheffield. With pen and notebook in hand, lets see just what a Sunday afternoon party in the wilds of Oop North can turn up. Put it this way, if the Arctic Monkeys turned up, I wouldn’t be surprised.

No sex please, we're British..

Off down to horn-tooting Edgware road and The City Circle’s Friday night talk, tonight entitled, ‘It takes two to Tawhid: Finding the right partner. I want to score the holy grail of interviews - a muslim virginity loss story. I have never seen the hall as ram-jam packed to the rafters as it was tonight. We spend an awful lot of time these days focussing on the differences between ourselves and our Muslim brothers and sisters, but in the end, are we all not just looking for the same things – love, peace and harmony? This lot certainly are. The anticipation in the room is tangible but I’m onto a loser with this one because, technically speaking, if all of these people are so keen to get married, then all of them are yet to have a ‘first time’.

I admit defeat. I do, however, take my chances with the director of The City Circle, a helpful man who sets me the challenge of a lifetime when I explain my predicament. Yes, he could put a post on the City Circle notice board requesting participants for my research. BUT, it would help my cause if I could do this without mentioning the word ‘virginity’. This should keep me busy for days.

One story is eluding me..

I am searching for a Muslim story. I have at least graduated from standing in Farringdon Post Office, looking at the head-scarved ladies behind the counter and wondering how much longer I would remain a customer if I were to ask one of them to tell me their story, to attending the City Circle in Edgware Road. The City Circle is a fabulous organization. www.thecitycircle.com. I attend their talks regularly. For nine months now. Contrary to my normal gung ho attitude to story collecting, I have not yet plucked up the courage to ask a single person to talk to me. Who knows how tonight’s trip could pan out? Watch this space.